The separation is becoming nearly unbearable. I miss you so much, but I have nothing to say to you. I don't know why I was not able to follow through with the plan to move in November. I let all sorts of voices get into my head and I could not see clearly. Clarity came to me only when you left and I felt a void open up inside of me.

I used to think that I couldn't be that easily affected by my surroundings, that hope and happiness came from within - when I am immersed in work or when I'm learning something interesting - which meant that I could possibly be in any place and I would be fine. Now I've realized that what motivates those inner feelings has to do with your external environment. Living at home like a child who doesn't need to worry about food or shelter, taking up a job for the money and comfort, has really brought me back to a self I sought to change. It's time for another move.