after the break-up, he took an interest in drinking, baileys, specifically. i couldn't watch him think that he was falling apart. i wondered if that whole melancholia was due to the feeling of a break-up, a cinematic approach, an intellectualization of romance, "the center cannot hold", so on and so forth. i watched him moody and silent, writing unsent letters on paper napkins, a cafe named proust, a longing for time past, unwind, rewind. what's that all about? he played radiohead, plucking the guitar, shouting empty sounds, until he had no breath left. as if that would help. but i do that all the time too - for no particular reason - except to make myself feel something. like that would change the ambience, the mis-en-scene, the show i never had.